So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
