not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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