just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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