i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
