My liver just broke up with me...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
