And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
