dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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