Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
