i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
