Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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