I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
