She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
