I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
