just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
