I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
