Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
