I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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