And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
