Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
