Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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