this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
