She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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