You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
