Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
