Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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