yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
