the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
