This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
