Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
