her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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