I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
