Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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