I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Couch. On fire.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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