I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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