Moan for me like Helen Keller
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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