On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
