Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
