I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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