just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
