It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
