i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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