So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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