You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
now i know why i became what i already was.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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