i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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