I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
