I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
