Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
