Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
