yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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