it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
