i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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