East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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