Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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