then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
