No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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