Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
