I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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